friday 13th

i have been waiting for the day since last september, when i waved goodbye to ben from the train on a cold sunday afternoon. 

i have prepared and fantasised and planned until my fingers have bled, and so have bens ears with my insistence for him to pack his bags as soon as possible. 

and now, it is so close i can almost touch it, and i feel myself stuck in a strange period of letting things leave my life while the clock ticks, and the positive will soon come flooding in. 

i’ve lived my life, and everything has an expiry date

mine is friday 13th july

and all of a sudden a new life will wash over me and everything wont be so cloudy, and i can focus on being true and kind and honest and have nobody to drag me down

so here is a cheers to friday the 13th

sometimes it has been hard to be alive

most of the time in fact

if i had two words to describe my life, i would say “monumentally shit” 

ive fought my battles and i have stitched up my wounds, although sometimes they can become easily unpicked and i am exposed and in pain

but i know where my first aid kit is, and after that day, i gain an antidote

an incredible cure for the blues, and the greens, and the yellows and reds

a cure that replaces fear and anger and worry with bliss and joy and laughter

and i know that when that cure is walking with me, side by side, the monsters cant hurt me anymore

ive heard that friday 13th is supposed to be unlucky, but its my lucky day, and in years to come it won’t be a date that i will forget

because elephants never forget, and this is an elephant sized change, with an elephant sized weight off my shoulders

and i know, and i pray, that this friday 13th will be the start of something new